Unloved Jokes aka MONOLOGUE FIESTA!

From the past few weeks of freelancing at The Late Show...

-Television producers in the Netherlands have created a dating program featuring visibly disfigured contestants. They're getting a lot of heat for it, but I say if it gets Mickey Rourke dating again, so be it.

ZING!

-Crime has gotten so bad in Tijuana thar the police have resorted to using sling shots. They say it will help defend against Mexico's biggest threat: Dennis the Menace.

OH SNAP!

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VAMOS! COMENSARAMOS LA FIESTA!

Useful Information

GENERAL RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PREVENTION OF KIDNEY STONES

1. Drink at least 2 quarts of fluid per day.

2. Drink a quart of orange, grape, cranberry or grapefruit juice per day.

3. Limit high fat foods like fried foods, butter, margarine, mayonnaise, whole fat dairy products and high fat snack foods.

4. Eat meat, fish, and poultry moderately.

5. Limit high oxalate foods like spinach, tea, nuts, peanuts, chocolate, beets, beet greens, rhubards, strawberries and wheat bran upon the advice of your doctor.

6. Only limit dairy products and calcium-rich foods on the advice of your doctor. Usually two or three 8 ounce glasses of skim or low-fat milk or the equivalent in low fat or non- fat cheese and yogurt are tolerated well. Eat calcium-rich foods throughout the day, not just at one meal.

7. Avoid calcium supplements.