The Time Dave Said Hello to Me

So the other day Dave said hello to me. Prior to that, the closest thing we had achieved to a conversation was this one time when he walked by me and gave me a "Who are you and why are you back here?" kind of look.

Well, with just one month left in my Late Show contract we have finally advanced to the next level of friendship! It was before the show and I was downstairs kicking it with Bill, the head of security, and my pal Terrence, the hired muscle, when Cathy, the line producer, walks out of the control room as she does everyday and said, "Here we go."

Now on a normal day, Cathy's "Here we go" means that it's about one minute until Dave comes running through this backstage hallway where I often find myself and everyone instinctually straightens their shirts, runs a hand through their hair, and remembers to put their lumbar region to good use.

So Cathy says, "Here we go" and shirts are tucked and hairs are arranged and we all wait for the thudding of footsteps to round the corner into the hallway, past us, and out of sight. However on this particular day, rather than bounding down the hallway, fists pumping, lower jaw squared, we hear normal human footsteps round the corner. I hear a familiar voice make casual office talk, "Cold down here today, isn't it?" and look up to see Dave in his shorts and t-shirt. Neat, I think. Then I think, Avert gaze!

So Dave strolls by and says "Hi, Bill" and then he looks at Terrence and says, "Hi, Terrence" and then he looks at me, in between Terrence and Bill and says, "Hello." Then he walks away. Bill grunts and trudges back upstairs, Terrence takes Bill's place, and I keep standing where I've been standing for the past twenty minutes.

Maybe it was the fact that Dave's broken nose was feeling better, or maybe it was the news that they caught the guy who had escaped from prison after being put there for threatening to kidnap Dave's son and Dave's son's nanny for $5 million dollars. Either way, everyone wins.

In an alternate reality, one where me and him have an established repoir (which is weird to both him and I since neither of us have ever spoken to this point), he walks by and says Hey to Bill and then Hey to Terrence and then Hello to me to which I respond, "Hey, sweet how they caught that guy, huh?" to which he would reply "Yeah!" (I know this is how he would respond because one of my friends was with Bill the day they caught the guy and Dave goes to Bill, "Bill, didja hear? They caught him, Bill! They caught him!") and so he says Yeah! and I go, oh by the way, I've written some jokes for you that you've read on air to which he replies, Oh, nice, how many? And I say, Three, but I think I'll get another one on sometime soon, so let's round up to a solid five and he goes, Yeah, but that's still pretty awesome. Then I tell him which ones they were and he goes, Al Roker did what? Man, that guy's always getting himself into trouble. Well, see ya.

However our repoir remains unestablished (although one step closer to establishment for sure), and so I wait until Dave rounds the next corner, and wait again for Bill to trudge back upstairs, and wait until I can wait no longer before punching Terrence in the arm and doing a karate kick. It was really impressive.