Visiting My Wife Nancy in Her Holding Cell

Rough day. Just returned from visiting my wife Nancy in the animal hospital where they are keeping her until things get smoothed out. By way of refresher, she was taken into custody after she attacked me during a simple misunderstanding. If only my neighbor didn't have to interfere! I am so sick of people sticking their noses into our lives! So I married a half-human, half-squirrel hybrid woman! What's the big deal? "My son's marrying a chipmunk, wonderful," quipped my mother when I first told her of my engagement. "NANCY'S NOT A CHIPMUNK! SHE'S A SQUIRREL!!!" I felt like screaming at her. I didn't scream then and I didn't scream whenever anyone questioned our love. Maybe I should have. Maybe if I had stood up for myself--no, for us--things wouldn't be like this now. I can't stand looking at Nancy all chained up like some kinda animal in that little cage.

"Can't you at least find a bigger cage for her?" I asked one of the nurses. "I'm sorry, this is the biggest cage we have--we're not used to accomodating...objects...of her size." I finished feeding Nancy the acorns I had brought her, kissed her goodbye through the cage, and got the hell outta there because I was afraid that if I didn't, I'd do something I'd regret.

Took a shower, didn't feel like eating anything. The living room feels so empty without Nancy curled up on top of the TV and sounds too quiet without the sound of her tearing the stuffing out of the back of the couch and hiding it in the cabinets. "Nancy, cut it out" I'd always say, but now I'd give anything to have her back here trying to naw one of my socks off.

On a positive note, however, our temporary separation has given my scabs time to heal...literally. Without her constant biting (she's gotta keep her teeth trim somehow!), I can walk around the house without fear of being bitten. "What are you doing, man? Why don't you go out and find yourself a real woman?" my friends always ask me. "Why do you let her bite you? Just hit her down or something. Has she gotten all her shots?" If by shots you mean some sorta sexual innuendo, then my answer is a resounding YES. If, however, by shots, you mean vaccines and the like, then no, which would certainly explain the aches and dizzy spells.

Nancy, if you've learned to read English and to navigate the Internet since we've been apart and you are reading this post, be assured, we will be together again! But for now, I need to go lie down...one of the wounds on my knee is turning a greenish/grey color. Better call tgghe diocthor asdjl;k,......................................