Robot Given Fried Chicken. Flips Out.

TOKYO--Scientists in Tokyo were given cause for celebration this week as their new Asimo robot responded to stimuli it was not programmed to receive. Says head developer Masahiro Fujita: "For a long time we only would do things like say 'Hello' to the robot or ask it to clap its hands." For months on end, the research staff spent its days making the robots perform "pretty menial tasks" in the hopes of discovering a new combination of movements to program into the robot's circuitry. "To be honest, it was pretty boring work."

But change was not far off as Mr. Fujita explains: "The other day during lunch one of my colleagues decided it would be funny if he posed with one of our Asimo robots while holding a piece of fried chicken to the machine's lifeless mouth. To our astonishment, the robot grabbed my colleague's hand and took a bite of the fried chicken. The Asimo completely flipped out, performing several backflips in a row before strangling one of our research assistants to death."

Adds project team leader Tony Yorozu, "We were able to power down the robot and tear his metal fingers off of our coworker's neck, but it was too late...he had suffocated. When we powered the Asimo back up, he began hitting himself in the head while standing on one foot and waving. It was a total freak out."

A mournful day for the research staff and family members of the deceased, but not entirely without a silver lining as Fujita continued, "It was actually pretty awesome when considered in stark contrast to the monotony that characterizes the majority of our days in the lab."

As the day progressed, the robot returned to normal, carrying a drink tray around the laboratory and walking up and down a flight of stairs while "humming" a digital melody. Although he was scolded repeatedly and forced to look at his victim's lifeless body, the Asimo did not seem to comprehend the data he was being presented with.

While the robot's powerful grasping ability may have taken one life, it just might play a role in the creation of new ones, as several researchers see "an entire line of fried chicken eating robots" being unveiled within the next several months.

Concludes Mr. Fujita, "I guess it was just one of those things...a glitch in the system or something...it's a shame he had to kill Yoshi, but we were probably going to fire him sooner or later anyway. We're sending his family a few Asimos by way of apology. You know, as a way of saying, 'Sorry your son died and all...' But on the bright side, the robot went through its Jump Kick sequence all by itself. It was friggin priceless." As the Bard said, famously, "Show me a robot that can do a hand stand and I'll show you something written in iambic pentameter."