Burger King vs. McDonald's

Mike, Mikey, Ted, and Charlie are sitting around a table at a Burger King.

Mike: Mikey, do you like being my friend?
Mikey: Yeah, lots. Ted, do you like being my friend?
Ted: Yeah, lots. Charlie, do you like being my friend?
Charlie: Uh, yeah, sure.

Mike, Mikey, Ted look at each other disturbed. After a moment's hesitation Mikey steps up the plate.

Mikey: Uh, Charlie, you know, we're all good friends here, and, ah, well, there's just a certain way we do things around here.

Charlie: Pass the ketchup, bro.

Charlie goes to reach for the ketchup but Mike grabs his hand.

Mike: I don't think you understand, "bro." You don't fuck with our shit and we don't fuck with yours.

Ted: We had a deal man.

Mikey: Stay outta this Ted.

Mike pulls a gun to Charlie's head.

Ted: Hey man, what the fuck are you doing?

Mike: Didn't ya hear Mikey? He said stay outta this.

Charlie: What the hell are you guys doing?

Ted: We'll ask the questions here tough guy.

Mike turns and blows Ted's head off.

Charlie: Holy shit! What's the matter with you?

Mikey glances over at the BK manager who is pushing the emergency button.

Mikey: Shit.

Mikey tries to grab the gun from Mike but ends up shooting himself in the face.

Mike: Oh no...oh nonononoono oh God no. Mikey! Mikey!!!! Alack!

Mike shoots himself in the face.

Charlie is stunned.

Suddenly Ronald McDonald and Grimmace bust in.

RM: We're too late.

Grimmace (into camera): Hi kids, Grimmace here. If you eat at Burger King, YOU AND THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE WILL DIE.

Ronald draws a yellow "M" with his fingers in the air.